Tips for dealing with road rage?

[2016S550]

I once road raged pretty bad. I had an incident that made me understand I had to stop. I did. I don’t rage anymore. I get mad from time to time but when I do I slow down and get as far right as possible. It’s a punishment for allowing other to influence my behavior. No one likes being controlled. You are being controlled by others behavior.

5 things that helped me.
1. Understand you are not mad at that person. Most road rage is just stress from somewhere else in your life.
2. Understand you have no control over them. You can’t change them or make them act any different.
3. Lean back in the seat. I can tell someone’s driving style just from their positioning. Up on the steering wheel is a stress posture. Leaning back is laid back.
4. There is nothing to win. Zero. Nothing. Zilch. You can only lose.
5. Remember people are stupid and you are not. Don’t let them stupid people influence you. They are controlling you.

Once I stopped raging I don’t get tired from driving anymore. The amount of stress that driving enraged puts on your life is significant.

lotta great points there!!!!

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[First Stang]

If you have to use the Mustang, try a MyKey setting and limit it to 75 so it will give you a brief pause should you get to chase down mode. Most of the time, a brief pause is all that is needed for our conscience to catch up. For me I just yell MFEER!!! at the top of my lungs with the windows closed of course. Having a wife and a Kid helps in my case. A quick prayer also helps. Best to your health.

 

[illtal]

Your road rage only happens when you are in the stang?
If so I would say you are the problem, how dare people come close to your precious stang, don’t they realize how irreplaceable it is, they only made about a million of them.you know
Get over yourself.

Alls he needs to do is come drive in southern italy for a week....
He will change his mind.

 

[Hack]

Therapist here. One thing to educate yourself on is the fundamental attribution error. In a nutshell, it's a natural human bias that makes us believe things like this:

"When I cut someone off, it's because I'm running late to an important meeting. When someone cuts me off, it's because they're an incompetent driver." Or: "When I do something bad, it is due to circumstance. When someone else does something bad, it is due to their nature."

Once you notice that pattern, you can start to consciously give people the same benefit of the doubt that you probably give yourself:

"That person cut me off, but maybe they're running late to an important doctor's appointment. I forgive them." Or even just: "They're probably having a bad day. It happens."

Something to try! Deep breathing is also a cheesy strategy to some people, but the science says it works. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

Thanks for posting. Nice to read the first thoughts from a pro.

I drive pretty fast. The people who want to go faster than me are more than welcome to be my rabbit and run ahead to draw the speeding ticket. Thank you for your sacrifice, little rabbit.

in dense traffic, if someone merges closely ahead, so be it, its never personal, its just traffic. Traffic sucks. Listen to a podcast or something.

Miatas drivers have it much worse. People don’t even see those little cars half the time. I drove a black miata years ago and always thought people were cutting me off. I switched to a yellow miata later and learned, no, they just didnt see me, cause the yellow car was let in to merge way more often and was cut off less often. It was an enlightening nigh-and-day difference. My miata days are over.

With the black mustang, people really should let me past in the fast lane when we’re all held up by a slower driver ahead. I find traffic will move over more often for a black darth vader looking muscle car than for your randomsilver honda. Let me be the bad guy, I’m at least dressed for it. Those slow drivers that don’t move over are probably just innocently clueless, so I go around them. You cant teach anyone else any lessons on the road, so quit trying.

I've noticed this too. People don't always see you approaching. I drive with the lights on for safety in my GR86. Every vehicle out there has blind spots and if you have a small car with a bland color it can be easy to miss.

 

[MidwayJ]

theres no such thing as being cut off, there is only merging and everybody does it. You do it, we do it. Someone merging into the spot ahead of you should not be counted as a pass or cutoff.

Good point. Many get riled up when other cars simply merge in front of them. It does annoy me when it's done with no signal as I'm moving faster about to pass them, but that's not the typical scenario.

 

[shogun32]

Fuzzy dice hanging on the mirror. And Tina Turner in the 8 track. I'll dare you to be worked up with those in attendance.

You live in Minnesota of all places. How do you even have traffic?

 

[shogun32]

Lean back in the seat. I can tell someone’s driving style just from their positioning. Up on the steering wheel is a stress posture. Leaning back is laid back.

Huh, I must be the tightest wound guy on the road then.
But actually it's because I'm used to upright forward stance on a motorcycle. I can't stand laying back.

I treat traffic like a river rapid, let it flow and swirl over the rocks. Fighting and barging against the current just tires your arms out.

My ex was neurotic over people closing in or speeding up to block a lane change etc. And yes I've seen it happen but 98% of the time it was because she wasn't reading the traffic flow on a continuous basis. Only at the last moment when she wanted to make a move would she orient herself and would be surprised by the state. Had she been paying attention she'd have known that the guy who sped up to close the window for the lane change had been working themselves thru traffic from 3 cars back. Or the guy brake checking her was asleep at the wheel and didn't see the traffic 5 seconds ahead of him slowing.

Driving is about 100 situational awareness. If you get surprised it's because you're not freaking paying attention!!!

Look
Anticipate & Evaluate
Prepare action
Execute

 

[dom418]

Is it worth losing your life over is a question I ask myself all the time when dealing with people like the Op.

Sounds like you instigate and therefore it seems like it’s every else’s fault but your own. That these road ragers seem to always find you.

Be respectful on the road and it amazing how many less “instances“ you will have.

 

[Dave2013M3]

I get pretty bad road rage when I'm in my stang and people mess with me like cut me off or speed up by me and merge inches in front of me without signaling and one time I had this idiot kid in a civic try to play "chicken" with me by coming in my lane and driving head on at me!

I've gotten so pissed off sometimes I lost control of myself and tried to chase them down.

In general I've had a lot of problems with emotional control and regulation and impulse control, but I've been working on that. Practicing Stoicism to not let my thoughts and feelings and idiots affect my actions.

What do you guys recommend? And yes I do see a therapist

As someone who has gone to jail for road rage, let me tell you something it isn't worth it.

 

[AZlb5.0]

My road rage had its roots with my combat tours. Looking back it started soon after my first deployment and it steadily got worse. Its peak was when I had just retired from service and culminate when I ended up at my VAs psych ward for a week. I subsequently got diagnosed with PTSD, and its taken a lot of counseling and I ended up on anti anxiety meds to help me cope while on the road. I still to this date don’t do a lot of in-city driving. I get anxiety when I feel “boxed” in. Another thing I brought back from over seas. Over the years the episode have gotten far and few in between but, I try really hard to calm down when I feel it coming. Pulling over and just praying breathing and relaxing helps me personally.

 

[MidwayJ]

OP, it's great you are aware of the issue and in therapy. You're way ahead of those in denial.
A few things help me avoid escalating conflict. All but one have been discussed by others already, so I'll just mention the other one.

It started one day when someone pulled right out in front of me on a 45 mph street, forcing me to brake hard to avoid rear ending them. I started to raise the middle finger salute, but at the last second I decided not to raise my hand high enough for them to see it. So there I was flipping off the dashboard. I laughed at the idea I was flipping them off without them knowing it, and from that point on I had my own way of expressing disapproval without consequences.

 

[Cordero1]

Meditate & hit the gym daily. Join an mma club, getting your ass handed to you by others humbles you. Buy a punching bag & take it out on the bag when you get home after any episode. All that combined is cheaper than a therapist. I know of people that CC just hoping for some one to have an event towards them like you say you have, you never know who you are going to mess with in the car that just cut you off. Most of them people that drive like that just aren't paying attention, are on their phone or are just elderly drivers. Wooozah....wooozah, deep breaths do help. Good luck & keep calm.

 

[Cobra Jet]

Dear Zent,
First off, kudos for your courage admitting you have a problem. Bigger kudos for asking for help.
Shame on those who tear you down on this forum -- you folks don't have enough evidence of what Zent actually does to come on so strong. For instance, there's no evidence given that Zent has been a "Left Lane Bandit." He's admitted to road raging, but was it instigated by him or a reaction after the fact? He doesn't say, and nobody asked. Best to reserve comment until you get more facts (maybe actually ask direct questions of Zent instead of conjuring up the remaining 90% in your heads?)
Alot of good suggestions so far, so this is what works for me:
Decide beforehand what you're going to do when an incident occurs. Having a few scenarios preselected in your mind can help you. It certainly helps me, as I react horribly in situations where I'm caught off guard...
I choose flight over fight -- not worth destroying my car (or others), hurting myself and family (or others), and there's just enough crazy folk out there odds are good they will respond to any aggression in a most unimaginable way, with weapons you didn't realize they had.
I recommend keeping up with the therapy and continue seeking to improve yourself. As your fellow traffic companion, I thank you!!!

Great response - and the most important part of your response is your first paragraph.

Lately, there’s a lot of keyboard ignorance going on in here and the MODs or site owners on here need to do a M6G cleansing of ignorant users, because I’m getting sick of seeing the negativity in the responses to users seeking help be it tech or not, seeking info for XYZ situations, the personal attacks, and thread starters or newcomers who get the “use the search”.

It doesn’t matter how “silly” a question may be, or what the person is asking. The OP is reaching out to inquire how any one of us would handle Situation-X. The OP also said in his last sentence there is personal awareness that their reaction may not be the best choice on how to deal with Situation-X, and they ARE currently seeking true professional help/advice.

So then we get a bunch of folks responding with ignorance towards the OP? SERIOUSLY? Do some of you treat your own family, friends or someone you care about in the same manner if THEY were seeking assistance, no matter how “silly” or “ridiculous” it may be to YOU?

Not one of you, including myself, knows the OP’s situation, personal well being or why they may be asking for help with dealing with Situation-X. They might be going through tough times. The OP might not have anyone close enough to assist with dealing with Situation-X. The OP might be getting advice to ask such questions of others to understand how others react to XYZ situations. The OP may have had a tragedy and is using this forum or others like it to help deal with stress levels, feelings or just getting needed advice aside from Professional advice.

Some of the responses towards the OP is just ignorant. Not everyone deals with or is able to deal with Situation-X like you, or me, or whomever else. To tell the OP to go get a Miata, or that the problem is them, or that they are weak for seeking Professional help - is uncalled for, especially after seeing OP’s last sentence.

When someone, anyone, clearly states that they are already seeking professional help/guidance regardless of how “godly” or “better” any of YOU think you are, at the least think about your written response before typing it or DON’T respond at all.

Isn’t there enough freakin bullying/negativity/judge-mental BS towards your fellow man/woman/child going on over on your Facecrap, TIKCrap, Instacrap and insert other like-Social Media craptastic sites?

Keep such ignorance off this site, it’s not welcome here.

As for the OP, I too applaud their post; it’s not easy for anyone to admit they may have a problem dealing with Situation-X OR seeking Professional help for it. People like yourself prove that you’re stronger than the ignorance in this world today.

Some of you need to head this advice:
“Don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.”

 

[KJZ28]

I feel your pain. I use to chase people down, brake check people, give dirty looks, all sorts of horrible things. My life changed when Jesus Christ came into my life. Yahweh showed me I was hopelessly depraved, living in rebellion to His moral standard, depressed, and had just as many problems as everyone else. God showed me grace by saving me through his Son Jesus. I have been freed from sin and anger, so now I show grace to the drivers on the road. I also am an ambassador for Jesus Christ everywhere I go, including in the car. Since Christ was reviled but did not revile in return, I try and do the same thing. Christ said to love my neighbors and my enemies, people on the road are my neighbors and certainly not my enemies so I show them love by driving courteous. I also realize the road is not mine, I am not the perfect standard of driving expertise. I have done stupid things in the car in the past, and make mistakes, and/or have a bad day. I always give people the benefit of the doubt now.

 

[JOKER M1]

another good idea is to stop driving in the fast lane. Go drive slow with traffic in the slow lane. If you can do that you’ll calm down. Its worth the extra couple minutes of travel time to correct your emotional and physical health.

OP - this is the absolute truth ^. I didn’t have your exact issues nor were they in a sports car but after almost causing a few wrecks I did exactly what NightmareMoon suggested you do and it makes a difference plus I put my age into the equation

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