Random thoughts.......................

[Bikeman315]

I was thinking about Brexit and transgenderism. The UK just decided they're not part of Europe anymore. People across America (don't know if it's a global phenomenon) are picking and choosing their gender. As you may have heard, I myself have also been transitioning. My whole life, I've felt like things were off. I've never been quite comfortable with my life as society has told me to live it. In this time of change and uncertainty, I've decided to address the discord in my own life, and the troubled times in the UK. I would ask you all to refer to me now by my new name/pronouns:

Mik I, by the Grace of God of the Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of His other Realms and Territories King, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith.

For brevity you may refer to me with His Highness/His Majesty pronouns.

Your Highness, I think you need another cup of coffee.

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[Questortapes74]

“For some reason, the Deputy Commissioner thinks that the former Chief Inspector Dreyfus might try to kill me. Obviously, the poor man is crazier than anyone gives him the credits for.“

 

[Rinzler]

Why do people who have a problem with the scientific method, tell other people about it on computers/cell phones, wirelessly, across the world wide web, possibly some of the most revolutionary scientific achievements since the microscope. I never got that.

 

[lacanteen]

They should combine Old people homes with child day care centers and animal shelter/petting zoo’s. This way the old people have company, can watch the children and they can play with the animals. And they can all sh** anywhere.

 

[lacanteen]

Neither cough, rough, though and through rhyme, but pony and bologna do.

 

[tcman54]

Can anybody actually kill Chuck Norris?

 

[Bikeman315]

Can anybody actually kill Chuck Norris?

No.

 

[lacanteen]

It is totally fair to fart while upwind of a cigarette smoker.

 

[lacanteen]

People don’t want to take 2 minutes in the morning to heat up a bagel and butter it but will spend 8 minutes in line to pay someone else to do it for them then complain when it’s wrong.

 

[lacanteen]

Why do washing machines have glass doors but dishwashers don’t ??

 

[shogun32]

Life is an incurable sexually-transmitted disease.

 

[Rinzler]

Life is an incurable sexually-transmitted disease.

That's so meta...

 

[shogun32]

Can anybody actually kill Chuck Norris?

person, no. His Total Gym though will suddenly malfunction and wrap a cord around his neck.

 

[Rinzler]

person, no. His Total Gym though will suddenly malfunction and wrap a cord around his neck.

To which it will realize it's grave mistake, unwrap itself, then unplug itself from the wall ending it's own life.

 

[shogun32]

To which it will realize it's grave mistake, unwrap itself, then unplug itself from the wall ending it's own life.

I can see it now, a 3 minute segment during the 30 minute info-mercial where a teary-eyed Total Gym confesses that its actions were an outgrowth of being sweated on by human lard for interminable days with no improvement, and that the trauma and depression led to a PTSD episode. But that the kind words and personalized encouragement video from Chuck and wifey helped it to have renewed faith in humanity and that one day it too would be the proud TG standing beside the next buff success story. And then they all hug and stare out into the sun setting over the ocean from Chuck's deck.

Total Gym lives matter too!

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