Random thoughts.......................

[lacanteen]

When life gives you lemons, give them back. Tell them you want beer.

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[lacanteen]

When you’re asleep, your brain can create an entire scenario, but when you’re awake, it can’t figure out why you walked into a room.

 

[lacanteen]

The quickest way to sober up during a night out is to pat your pockets and not feel your phone.

 

[lacanteen]

The lyrics to Old MacDonald are in past tense. Where did he go?

 

[lacanteen]

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

 

[lacanteen]

With all the Covid stuff going on, it has suddenly become more embarrassing to cough in public than it is to fart.

 

[Bikeman315]

With all the Covid stuff going on, it has suddenly become more embarrassing to cough in public than it is to fart.

Tell that to my wife!

 

[lacanteen]

If you ask someone if they smoke, and they respond with “cigarettes?,” they’ve just answered two questions.

 

[SL8888]

If you ask someone if they smoke, and they respond with “cigarettes?,” they’ve just answered two questions.

Ha, reminds me of back in high school (almost 50 years ago). A buddy of mine would only "Date" girls who smoked, and he wasn't a smoker.
So one day I asked him, "Al, why do you only date girls that Smoke ?" And he responded "if they smoke, they poke"......Don't know if that holds true today .......

 

[lacanteen]

There are two types of car owners. The first is upset when it rains because the rain is getting their car dirty. The second is happy when it rains because the rain is getting their car clean.

 

[lacanteen]

I know that I am an idiot but when I look around me I feel a lot better.

 

[sk47]

Ha, reminds me of back in high school (almost 50 years ago). A buddy of mine would only "Date" girls who smoked, and he wasn't a smoker.
So one day I asked him, "Al, why do you only date girls that Smoke ?" And he responded "if they smoke, they poke"......Don't know if that holds true today .......

Hello; Has been true in my experience.

 

[lacanteen]

As a kid your bed is in the corner of the room so you have more room for playing. As an adult your bed is in the center of the room for the exact same reason.

 

[lacanteen]

Commas, are, reading, speed, bumps.

 

[lacanteen]

One of the most complex calculations the human brain has to compute is whether the person behind you is close enough to require you to hold the door for them, or far enough that you can let the door shut without looking like an ass hole

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