suicide

[dirtwarrior]

My cousin mowed my grass last sunday. He drove from my home to way in the country. He messaged me a heart on facebook. I thought nothing of it. He shot himself. It took a week to find his body.
I tell you what the survivors is the ones hurting. The dead knows nothing. You tell yourself maybe if I did this maybe he would be alive.

People never go out that way. It hurts the survivors to much

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[yjfang]

My cousin mowed my grass last sunday. He drove from my home to way in the country. He messaged me a heart on facebook. I thought nothing of it. He shot himself. It took a week to find his body.
I tell you what the survivors is the ones hurting. The dead knows nothing. You tell yourself maybe if I did this maybe he would be alive.

People never go out that way. It hurts the survivors to much

Sorry to hear that. Sending peace and love vibes.

 

[Inthehighdesert]

My condolences.

 

[dirtwarrior]

Many great guys her many messaged me. I learned from them is do not take it personal. When they get to that point nothing will help

 

[Strokerswild]

Sorry to hear.

I lost a good friend to suicide many years ago. Never saw it coming, and it hit hard.

 

[dirtwarrior]

It is hard to not take it personal. Sorry for your loss

 

[DrZed]

Glad you are reaching out... brave.
My best friend took his own life when I was in my mid 20s. I can relate bruh.
Time takes the sting away somewhat, but you may always carry the blame of "did I do enough to try and stop this..."

I have learned, that you may have been able to delay this act, but likely never would have stopped it. I hope you don't live with that guilt... as I did for some time.

I was in the car with him the night before and all the "tools" he was going to use were literally 18" from me and I didn't notice....

Be kind to yourself.

 

[Mhanna5]

I am so sorry you had to go through this.
On July 19th of this year, I tried to overdose. I ended up in the hospital for about a week, and am here today. I have been in therapy for a couple of years, and my therapist would always tell me to call her if I felt like I would try and kill myself. I asked her what she would tell me then, that she hasn't said before? If I make up my mind to do this, what will you tell me? Oh I got the usual "how will your wife or friends feel?". My usual answer was that it won't be my problem then. I won't have to see or be a part of it. If someone reaches that dark of a place, there is little that most people could ever do to pull them out. I have thought about suicide almost every day of my life for 30+ years. To me, the thought is as normal as most people thinking about what they'll have for dinner. You need to understand, this is their problem, not yours. And there is so little most people can do or say. I had dinner with my wife, as I usually did, put a new battery in my Mustang that day, I think I mowed the grass. My wife had zero clue, and she reminds me every day how that scares her now. If someone is really serious about suicide, if they really can't take it anymore, then there is little to nothing anyone can do. I feel awful for the mess I almost left behind, but I was in such a dark place, I can't fault myself for what I did. Most people can't ever understand what it's like to be in that dark place, and I get that, but it's not your fault and you couldn't have changed anything.
On a lighter side, my wife told me that I told the ambulance driver that I could drive there faster than he could. I don't remember that, but I was probably right!
I am trying new therapies, and trying to dedicate myself to new purposes and helping others. I'm trying to change my life, since I got a second chance. If you ever wanna talk......reach out.

 

[Paul McWhiskey]

I am so sorry you had to go through this.
On July 19th of this year, I tried to overdose. I ended up in the hospital for about a week, and am here today. I have been in therapy for a couple of years, and my therapist would always tell me to call her if I felt like I would try and kill myself. I asked her what she would tell me then, that she hasn't said before? If I make up my mind to do this, what will you tell me? Oh I got the usual "how will your wife or friends feel?". My usual answer was that it won't be my problem then. I won't have to see or be a part of it. If someone reaches that dark of a place, there is little that most people could ever do to pull them out. I have thought about suicide almost every day of my life for 30+ years. To me, the thought is as normal as most people thinking about what they'll have for dinner. You need to understand, this is their problem, not yours. And there is so little most people can do or say. I had dinner with my wife, as I usually did, put a new battery in my Mustang that day, I think I mowed the grass. My wife had zero clue, and she reminds me every day how that scares her now. If someone is really serious about suicide, if they really can't take it anymore, then there is little to nothing anyone can do. I feel awful for the mess I almost left behind, but I was in such a dark place, I can't fault myself for what I did. Most people can't ever understand what it's like to be in that dark place, and I get that, but it's not your fault and you couldn't have changed anything.
On a lighter side, my wife told me that I told the ambulance driver that I could drive there faster than he could. I don't remember that, but I was probably right!
I am trying new therapies, and trying to dedicate myself to new purposes and helping others. I'm trying to change my life, since I got a second chance. If you ever wanna talk......reach out.

You had me worried for you right up to the end.

For anyone in Mhanna5's position realize that each and every day is a second chance. Find those purposes and stay close to others. Realize that "but for the grace of God, there go I". If you are not a believer in God replace Him with whatever you believe in.

I have not been suicidal, but I have been in the ICU intubated and my family being told that I may not make it in 2017 (doctors still unable to explain it to this day). When I regained consciousness, I was not the same man. My wife says that I now have a sense of humor.

Take your cousin's suicide and turn it into a new life for yourself and strive to pay attention to what is happening to people around you. Be there for them. You will be amazed at what you will be able to do to affect positive change in their lives which will affect your life in very positive ways. And be prepared to accept that you will not be successful every time. Forgive yourself and forgive your cousin. That is the beginning of healing. Your cousin's earthly pain is over. Heal yours and love each and every day that you have in this existence like it is your last. Your Family and those around you will pay you back 1000 fold.

My condolences on your cousin's passing. I am sorry that you are going through this, but you will come out the other end a stronger and better man. You are in my prayers. God Bless you and your Family.

 

[jon.smith76063]

Sorry for your loss. Personally, I think that committing suicide is absolutely the most selfish thing that a person can do and I can't be convinced otherwise. The mental illness argument holds no water with me. It's a choice that they made. They are only thinking for themselves and how to end their perceived "pain". They don't care about what the people left behind have to deal with. I hope there is a special place in hell waiting for those that do it.

 

[Mhanna5]

Sorry for your loss. Personally, I think that committing suicide is absolutely the most selfish thing that a person can do and I can't be convinced otherwise. The mental illness argument holds no water with me. It's a choice that they made. They are only thinking for themselves and how to end their perceived "pain". They don't care about what the people left behind have to deal with. I hope there is a special place in hell waiting for those that do it.

I can't disagree too much with this. It IS selfish and terrible to the people left behind. I'm sorry you don't understand the mental illness aspect (actually I'm glad you don't). I could go into so much detail about mental illness, but most people won't understand, and I get that. It's all perspective. If there are people who do have mental illness and they do reach out for help, I hope they talk to someone who is more understanding.
I'm not saying you're wrong or a bad person or whatever, it's just all perspective much like politics. I may not agree with your thoughts on those things, but that doesn't mean I can't sit and have a beer and some laughs with you. We're all different, but not everyone understands that.

 

[jon.smith76063]

I can't disagree too much with this. It IS selfish and terrible to the people left behind. I'm sorry you don't understand the mental illness aspect (actually I'm glad you don't). I could go into so much detail about mental illness, but most people won't understand, and I get that. It's all perspective. If there are people who do have mental illness and they do reach out for help, I hope they talk to someone who is more understanding.
I'm not saying you're wrong or a bad person or whatever, it's just all perspective much like politics. I may not agree with your thoughts on those things, but that doesn't mean I can't sit and have a beer and some laughs with you. We're all different, but not everyone understands that.

I get that people have mental illnesses. However, someone's life can't possibly be that bad that taking their own life is the answer.

 

[Mhanna5]

You're thinking rationally. Not all people can/do. It's kinda like telling an alcoholic or drug addict to not drink or take drugs. It's just a simple choice. I get where you're coming from though.

 

[TrackMeisterWannabe]

Sorry for your loss. Personally, I think that committing suicide is absolutely the most selfish thing that a person can do and I can't be convinced otherwise. The mental illness argument holds no water with me. It's a choice that they made. They are only thinking for themselves and how to end their perceived "pain". They don't care about what the people left behind have to deal with. I hope there is a special place in hell waiting for those that do it.

And then there are those that prove that ignorance is bliss...

 

[Qcman17]

To the op I’m truly sorry for your tragic loss and I can relate. Just over 3 months ago an employee who worked for me for 16 years took his own life. He was so much more than that to me and I truly loved the guy as did his coworkers and friends. I always joked if I could adopt him I would. He was 44.

I took his loss very hard and I still struggle with coming to terms with it. I know many people refer to suicide as selfish but I see it a bit differently. My dear friend was anything but selfish in his daily life which makes me believe he was not himself in that tragic moment and it was just bigger than him. I hold no animosity towards him for his act in a fleeting moment and try to think of the guy I knew. Like many there were no signs he even performed his job flawlessly up until the day before it happened. I miss him.

Op I truly believe there is nothing you could have done or likely even noticed prior to it to have changed what took place. I suspect if you talk to others that knew him they would say they had no inkling either. That was the case with my friend not a single indication anything was brewing in him. Perhaps sharing something about the person with us or others would help you some. The morning after my friend passed we shared some funny stories at work with each other as everyone had a unique story to tell about him and it gave us each some peace in that moment.

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