Random thoughts.......................

[lacanteen]

People who complain about COVlD mandates are the same people who don't return shopping carts to the corral.

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[lacanteen]

You know what’s more fun than traveling with small children? Anything. Literally anything…

 

[dpAtlanta]

Why are there security fasteners on commercial bathroom stalls and urinal dividers?

Who has been stealing them & where are they putting them?

"Thanks for the tour of the new house Bob. I really liked the back yard... Oh, and those seven urinal dividers in the family room... nice touch!"

 

[lacanteen]

I wonder if life gives dyslexic people melons instead of lemons?

 

[lacanteen]

A turtleneck is an uncircumcised sweater.

 

[lacanteen]

The first rule of Alzheimer's Club: Don't discuss the Chess Club.

 

[lacanteen]

The voice in my head does impressions. Damn good ones.

 

[lacanteen]

The term “getting stoned” has really evolved over the last 2000 years.

 

[lacanteen]

What happens when a psychic has Alzheimer's disease? Do they forget things that haven’t happened yet?

 

[dpAtlanta]

Every once in a while, you experience a "No Wiper". It's a beautiful thing... it actually makes you smile... your work is done except for washing your hands (Hmmmm, do I need to wash if I actually have a "No Wiper"?).
But you need to make sure, so you change directions (wipe#2).
Just to be 100% sure, you go back to the original direction, but you increase pressure (wipe#3).

Moral of the story:
If you really did have a "No Wiper", you really had a "3 Wiper".

 

[lacanteen]

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis...
I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.

 

[lacanteen]

Some people train dogs to hunt others to do tricks. Mine can’t even figure out where their farts come from.

 

[Questortapes74]

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[lacanteen]

It would be hilarious to wrap a Febreeze logo around an air horn and leave it in the bathroom.

 

[lacanteen]

The biggest excitement killer is when you ask someone to guess something, and their guess is way bigger/cooler than what you actually wanted to tell them.

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