Funeral Etiquette Question

[MSMStannyl]

So, I work for a consulting enginerering firm. Over the weekend, my direct supervisors mother passed. Not sure if it's pertinent but my supervisor is probably 20-30 years older than me (his mother was 91).

Under normal circumstances, I would 100% attend a viewing as would several of my coworkers who have worked closely with this supervisor. However, there is no viewing. The only ceremony is at the graveyard during the actual burial.

Would you go? It seems kind of strange to go to a burial in this case. I feel like the burial/service would be for family and close friends (and my understanding is that it's a pretty big family).

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[lemers]

If you were directly invited, I would consider going. If it is a "general invitation" to all, then that really weighs on your personal relationship with the surviving family members.

 

[Clink]

Maybe go in on something with your coworkers to send to the family, but I probably wouldn't go unless directly invited like lemers said.

 

[Ultimateone]

I would only go to the wake, funerals are usually more for the direct family.

 

[terryj]

Maybe go in on something with your coworkers to send to the family, but I probably wouldn't go unless directly invited like lemers said.

This, I wouldn't go unless I personally knew his mother but I would send flowers or a card.

 

[MSMStannyl]

Thanks for the replies guys. Some more info below:

If you were directly invited, I would consider going. If it is a "general invitation" to all, then that really weighs on your personal relationship with the surviving family members.

He emailed the head of our department, my coworker and myself on Monday letting us know that his mother had passed and that he would be out most of the week. In that email, he provided the info for the funeral home website where the obituary is, along with the scheduled burial/service (which is today actually). He prefaced this information with "if anybody asks or needs to know...". At this point, neither the head of our department, nor my coworker can go anyway due to meetings.

Maybe go in on something with your coworkers to send to the family, but I probably wouldn't go unless directly invited like lemers said.

Following up on what I was saying above, our company will typically send a flower arrangement. I believe that's what he may have meant by "if anybody needs to know". Outside of that, we also passed a sympathy card around the department that everyone signed.

Also, I did follow the link he sent to the online obituary and signed the e-guestbook.

I would only go to the wake, funerals are usually more for the direct family.

I don't have any info on the wake. The only information provided was the time/date/location of the burial service. I assume the wake info will be announced afterwards.

This, I wouldn't go unless I personally knew his mother but I would send flowers or a card.

I definitely did not know his mother at all.

 

[CB]

When you have a private moment at work with the supervisor, just let him know you care. A simple "sympathy for your loss" is all that's needed. He will appreciate it.

 

[POJ 1]

I agree with terryj
It interests me how many people turn up at funerals with next to no connection with the deceased
Some, I am sure are only there for the food and booze, others just want 1/2 day off work, and I am convinced a lot like going just because it makes them feel better (being still alive)
A personal few words to your supervisor when he returns to work will be a lot more genuine
Always tricky though

 

[VinnAY]

I would not go to the service or funeral (whatever). Sign the card, contribute to an office fund if there is one, personal expression is where I'd draw the line.

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