Loss of a Parent

[Shifting_Gears]

This is hard to post, but talking about this is the only thing really bringing relief. So here we go.

I lost my dad last week. He had been battling stage IV cancer for a year and a half.

My dad is my hero. As a kid, there were so many ways he was there for me, teaching and guiding me how to navigate life that I never realized until I became an adult.

We lived a couple of states apart, but I was home every 3-4 months since he got sick to spend time around him and my mom. His passing was sudden, and not directly due to succumbing to cancer. The hardest part to swallow was not having been able to have a conversation with him one more time before he passed. He also has a grandson on the way that I have been praying for him to be here to meet. That, along with a few other life milestones are going to be hard to navigate without him.

Seeing him one last time, at rest, has brought some type of peace, along with knowing that he’s no longer suffering through pain and treatment. I thank God that in June, all of our family was together for the second time in 6 months.

I don’t really know how to move forward, but I will. I don’t know what happens after we die, but I pray that he’s at rest and free. I hope he will watch over his family, as he’s always done. Hearing my mom talk about old memories and how much love they had for each-other has helped too. I hope to be nearly as good of a dad as he is and I hope that I made him proud.

For those of you that have lost a parent, what helped you with closure and moving forward?

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[Inthehighdesert]

My sincere condolences. I think you’ve posted about the best thing a son or daughter could ever say about a father. That’s what we all that have children should aspire to do and be. In time the good memories will replace the pain. It sounds like your dad was/would be proud of who you are currently and moving forward. My mom passed a little over 25 years ago. Unfortunately my relationship with my dad has never been good. Haven’t spoken to him in over 15 years. It is what it is. What you described as a dad is what I try to and be every day for my little boys. Life is short and can take messed up turns at times, we have to cherish those we care about and make sure its always known.

 

[XFactor7889]

I'm very sorry for your loss, and I do hope that the more you share and talk to others will help you as you grieve.

Since you asked about others' experiences, I'll share some of mine and I hope that it can help you avoid what I went through. My dad passed suddenly when I was 17. I was a week away from my high school graduation. He worked super early in the mornings, so I never got to see him that day (he was at work when it happened); to this day, I still have the same feeling you described about wishing you could have one more conversation with him. This year marked 16 years since that day. Other than my younger brother, my dad was my best friend growing up. He was hard on me, but he knew what I was capable of, and he wanted to get that out of me. For those reasons, I can't accurately describe the pain I felt when I learned the news.

I didn't really talk about it for years. I was angry all the time. I put myself in positions that weren't healthy and that I never would've done had I been in the right state of mind (just emotionally detrimental positions, nothing physical or anything). It wasn't until my final year of college that I saw a therapist that helped me face that and finally grieve properly. I learned that I essentially spent 5 years stuck in the denial stage of grief. You're right about milestones, they're difficult, even after grieving. Even things you'd never expect will hit you in ways you aren't prepared for. What I've learned over the years is to embrace grief. The longer you avoid it, the harder it is to overcome. Surround yourself with loved ones and people you can confide in, when you're ready. When you inevitably find that you're angry, try not to take it out on those who care about you. And give yourself grace when you fail to do that; they'll understand, of course, but don't forget to apologize afterward.

It's all a journey, and I'm pretty sure it never ends, but you will learn how to handle it better over time. But, be patient with yourself. We all grieve differently, find what helps you the most. Just make sure it's not hurting you or anyone else and you'll be in good shape. My brother and I oftentimes laugh about some of our favorite memories with our dad now. Those moments tend to be very therapeutic for us. Maybe someday, something similar will be for you too.

I believe in God myself, and that Jesus is our savior. So with that, I believe that your time with your dad has only barely scratched the surface of what is to come. There's just a bit of a break in it right now. One that will feel like nothing compared to what lies ahead. I know that doesn't feel great in the present, but it can at least offer hope. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope that in this fog of pain and confusion, you will ultimately be able to find the blessings that will one day come from this. That sounds weird now, I know; but you'll find that your dad is still very much with you as you continue navigating life.

Sorry, this was long. I hope it brings even the slightest bit of help for you. You'll be in my prayers. And if you ever need someone to talk to that isn't your family/close friends, please feel free to shoot me a DM.

 

[Bobn57]

So sorry for your loss. You posted a beautiful tribute to your Dad. Know that he’s at peace and watching over you and your family. I lost my Mom suddenly in May 1983, about two weeks before my wedding. Totally unexpected. Our family told us it would be ok to put the wedding on hold but we knew Mom was looking forward to it and kept it on schedule. My wife and I just celebrated 40 happy and some not so happy years of marriage. We’ve lost both my parents and her Dad before our first child was born. We also lost our first born but have two beautiful adult children and a wonderful grandson. It would have been easy to throw in the towel but life moves on. We’ve been through a lot but also have a lot of love in our lives. Stay strong and have faith. The pain eventually is replaced by joy. Your Dad will always be in your heart and mind.

 

[K4fxd]

Sounds like your Dad was a great man.

I don't have any real words of wisdom, all I can say is that time makes it easier. Being able to talk about it helps.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[ZXMustang]

This is hard to post, but talking about this is the only thing really bringing relief. So here we go.

I lost my dad last week. He had been battling stage IV cancer for a year and a half.

My dad is my hero. As a kid, there were so many ways he was there for me, teaching and guiding me how to navigate life that I never realized until I became an adult.

We lived a couple of states apart, but I was home every 3-4 months since he got sick to spend time around him and my mom. His passing was sudden, and not directly due to succumbing to cancer. The hardest part to swallow was not having been able to have a conversation with him one more time before he passed. He also has a grandson on the way that I have been praying for him to be here to meet. That, along with a few other life milestones are going to be hard to navigate without him.

Seeing him one last time, at rest, has brought some type of peace, along with knowing that he’s no longer suffering through pain and treatment. I thank God that in June, all of our family was together for the second time in 6 months.

I don’t really know how to move forward, but I will. I don’t know what happens after we die, but I pray that he’s at rest and free. I hope he will watch over his family, as he’s always done. Hearing my mom talk about old memories and how much love they had for each-other has helped too. I hope to be nearly as good of a dad as he is and I hope that I made him proud.

For those of you that have lost a parent, what helped you with closure and moving forward?

my condolences man. I’m going through just about the same situation. Not sure even at 40, if I’m prepared to live in a world without my Dad or mom. I’m still a kid and always will be.

 

[Balr14]

Parents live on, they are never really gone.

 

[Shifting_Gears]

Thank you all for the responses. I appreciate each of you for taking the time to share your thoughts and feedback. It does help.

 

[momalle1]

I'm very sorry for your loss and what you're going through. I lost my "walked on water" dad in 2016. Does the hurt go away? Not really, I still can't listen to certain songs and I'm welling up writing this. The weight remains, but you do get better at carrying it. I don't think about him being gone every single day now and I don't get sad reliving memories all the time, there are lots of laughs when we talk about him. Sometimes we feel guilty having a good time without someone we cared about so much, but we all know they wouldn't want us to suffer. Keep talking about him, you'll get to the good part.

 

[IPOGT]

I'm very sorry for your loss, and I do hope that the more you share and talk to others will help you as you grieve.

Since you asked about others' experiences, I'll share some of mine and I hope that it can help you avoid what I went through. My dad passed suddenly when I was 17. I was a week away from my high school graduation. He worked super early in the mornings, so I never got to see him that day (he was at work when it happened); to this day, I still have the same feeling you described about wishing you could have one more conversation with him. This year marked 16 years since that day. Other than my younger brother, my dad was my best friend growing up. He was hard on me, but he knew what I was capable of, and he wanted to get that out of me. For those reasons, I can't accurately describe the pain I felt when I learned the news.

I didn't really talk about it for years. I was angry all the time. I put myself in positions that weren't healthy and that I never would've done had I been in the right state of mind (just emotionally detrimental positions, nothing physical or anything). It wasn't until my final year of college that I saw a therapist that helped me face that and finally grieve properly. I learned that I essentially spent 5 years stuck in the denial stage of grief. You're right about milestones, they're difficult, even after grieving. Even things you'd never expect will hit you in ways you aren't prepared for. What I've learned over the years is to embrace grief. The longer you avoid it, the harder it is to overcome. Surround yourself with loved ones and people you can confide in, when you're ready. When you inevitably find that you're angry, try not to take it out on those who care about you. And give yourself grace when you fail to do that; they'll understand, of course, but don't forget to apologize afterward.

It's all a journey, and I'm pretty sure it never ends, but you will learn how to handle it better over time. But, be patient with yourself. We all grieve differently, find what helps you the most. Just make sure it's not hurting you or anyone else and you'll be in good shape. My brother and I oftentimes laugh about some of our favorite memories with our dad now. Those moments tend to be very therapeutic for us. Maybe someday, something similar will be for you too.

I believe in God myself, and that Jesus is our savior. So with that, I believe that your time with your dad has only barely scratched the surface of what is to come. There's just a bit of a break in it right now. One that will feel like nothing compared to what lies ahead. I know that doesn't feel great in the present, but it can at least offer hope. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope that in this fog of pain and confusion, you will ultimately be able to find the blessings that will one day come from this. That sounds weird now, I know; but you'll find that your dad is still very much with you as you continue navigating life.

Sorry, this was long. I hope it brings even the slightest bit of help for you. You'll be in my prayers. And if you ever need someone to talk to that isn't your family/close friends, please feel free to shoot me a DM.

Mine had a stroke when I was 16. That was that. Wish the best for you. Be thankful.

 

[RagmopInKona]

Sorry for your loss and heartbreak. Be greatful you had a great,loving Dad.

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