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The dreaded friendzone.. Who has been there?

Dseck63

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I poked around some of the posts here to see if there was anything related and didn't see anything so thought I'd have at it.

So in light of my recent decision to divorce my wife because she decided to to cheat on me with an old high school classmate (mind you we are in our 30's) I decided to move on myself and found myself talking to someone at work. Cute girl, we vibed well and ultimately I thought things were going well. However I find myself now in the friendzone, and what's more troubling about this is it appears to be because much of what her friends that work with her had to say.

-He has a kid
-He was married
-They might get back together
-He may not be over her
-He hasn't finalized it yet

blah blah blah.

After me ego was trashed by my wife it was much easier to pick myself up and dust this off so I could once again move on but she was adamant that we remain friends. Having no problem with this I've held up my end of the deal however I find it strange that she feels its necessary to text/call daily, and also do so at times that are less than normal.

At 5am I want my f*cking coffee and that's about it, and 10pm I'm trying to get my ass to bed. Not text back and forth for shits ang giggles. Especially when I've talked to her throughout the day.

My question to you all is have you ever been put here to be tested? Because that is what it is starting to feel like. I haven't known her long, only since the beginning of January. My biggest mistake was shitting where I eat since I have to see her regularly, figured if this were the case I could continue to play along and see where this goes or otherwise simply start to find a way to shake her without being a dick about it. Thoughts?
 

kluke15

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if i may, just be straight up youre in your 30's she may be too. yall are adults you dont have time to play games. id say im into you and wanna do something about it ( not verbatim please) and if thats not what she wants then tell her to stop stringing you along. you are obviously down to be friends with her but sounds like shes leaving you in limbo and that blows. sorry to hear about your ex tho that shit is awful. keep your head up youll be alright.
 

rum_punch_ruby

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move along and find another, there are plenty. and with the current culture of work place unwanted sexual advances #metoo its best to find someone not at the same job.
 

Dseck63

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if i may, just be straight up youre in your 30's she may be too. yall are adults you dont have time to play games. id say im into you and wanna do something about it ( not verbatim please) and if thats not what she wants then tell her to stop stringing you along. you are obviously down to be friends with her but sounds like shes leaving you in limbo and that blows. sorry to hear about your ex tho that shit is awful. keep your head up youll be alright.
Thanks for validating what had already been running through my mind. Like you said it's a game and women just feed off of the "chase" and I'm simply not about to do it now, or ever. My marriage falling apart was horrible and I wouldn't wish that upon anyone, including my worst enemy.

I can say though that I am happy I got my son out of it.

move along and find another, there are plenty. and with the current culture of work place unwanted sexual advances #metoo its best to find someone not at the same job.
You bring up a very good point, I'm kind of glad we've been using snapchat and all the conversations are gone. Not to say that I did or said anything to her however I could see that going sour real quick if she flips on me.
 

ODucksFan

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If it were me personally, I would move on. She sounds like a tease. Besides, you probably don't want to be the person the women at your work gossip about. That's one of the main reasons why I will never get involved with a co worker. It would be too awkward going to work if things didn't work out.

Sorry to hear about your wife. Any particular reason why you want to remain friends with her? No way I could do that. If I had a wife do that to me, I would kick her to the curb and disappear out of her life.
 

FranzVonHoffer

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I'll probably catch some heat for this opinion but wtf..

I was in the same situation about 20 years ago. I divorced my wife because she was cheating with a co-worker, straight up walked in on them on the floor of her office. Ran straight to divorce court, then right into a series of turbulent relationships that weren't the healthiest situation. Meanwhile my ex got counseling, remarried a few years later, and had two kids. Meanwhile I bounced around about a dozen relationships ever since very emotionally disconnected.

I'd recommend getting some therapy and maybe consider some reconciliation counseling or this event can cause problems long term problems if you start trying to jump right into another relationship and you haven't gotten your head right. I would have said I was golden in those years following the split but looking back I clearly wasn't right.

and definitely don't shop at work. Nothing good will come of that.
 

69mach1-395

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Strokerswild

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Friendzone in one image:
FB_IMG_1512411603736.jpg
 

SVT-DADDY

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Kinda sounds like she wants the companionship of the relationship without the title. That's not a good place for you to be in.

I'd move away from the 5am and 10pm texts and keep things cordial. That's as simple as not answering until it's more convenient for you.

Honestly the concerns you list are reasonable for her, but in 6 months it could be a completely different picture. By keeping things cordial and not being at her beckon call you'll put yourself in a much better place at that time. Also maybe in 6 months this chick at work may not look as good compared to the other fish in the sea.

15 years ago while I was in the midst of a divorce when I started dating my current wife. While things have worked out well, the fact that we worked together and were both going through a divorce added a ton of stress to the relationship. Stress that only the strongest relationships could probably weather.
 

Nomadic

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Chicks have always digged me. I never stayed in the friendzone long. Mostly the endzone.
 

swat 79

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There's nothing you can SAY to get yourself out of the friendzone, but you absolutely can get yourself out if you play it right.

1) Minimal communication, withdraw nearly all of your attention and remove the validation it gives her.
2) When she probes you, just give her a look of confusion, say we're friends and that you like it this way (now she thinks you friendzoned her).
3) End conversations early, on your terms, with a look or a smirk (think James bond in Casino Royale)
4) Continue to meet, see and date other women. Girls for whatever reason pick up that scent and it makes them want to compete for you.
5) Take your time, do nothing over text, it's always in person.


1 of 2 things will happen. She will either come after you hard (but understand it is to satisfy her thirst, not yours) or she will move on and find someone else to validate her. If it's the second, well, that's fine because you've already been out here pursuing other women. Good luck and don't let it become a focal point of your life
 

Anthony 05 GT

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Like others have said, cut her access, but act like nothing has changed. Don't pursue her and continue to be nice...leave it at that. If you handle this new approach the wrong way it will blow up in your face too.
 

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